• Maelstrom Magazine


Last week, graduating seniors celebrated the first Bark Through The Arch Ceremony.

The speech, was so beautifully written, that we at The Maelstrom knew we had to publish it for students to enjoy. Here is the speech in full, written by Hyde Healy.

Welcome, to the second and evidently biannual bark through the arch ceremony for the Senior pups of St. Paul’s school. I would like to take this moment to thank our distinguished guests for being here today. Our administration members: Principal Trevor Chihuawatkins. Assistant Principal “Joeman” Shepherd Dickens. Disciplinarian Kenine Sears. And me, Brother Ray Bulldogiard. Welcome all. We would also like to thank the mayor for being here. Honorable mayor Mike Cooper Spaniel. We pause for a moment to remember that we are in the holy presence of dogs.

We gather this morning to recognize, honor, and affirm the St. Paul’s good boy class for the 2018-2019 school year.

Senior Colin Cottrell and his great pupper bring joy to the students of Saint Paul's. 12/10.

We gather this morning under the brilliant azure sky of God’s creation and the memories of the spiraling trees that until recently were so majestically peed on, to recognize, honor, and give treats to a group of doggos who in 10 short minutes will become the 1st graduating class of St. Paul’s School for the Good Boys. We gather this morning, with a range of emotions about the mysterious nature of God’s universe to recognize, honor, and affirm the 150 young pups who presently comprise this year’s senior canine class.

As they take their places among the thousands who have been walked before them as senior dogs at St. Paul’s. And as we do all this we rejoice...in the faithfullness, the commitment, and the willingness of all of our puppers to assume the mantle of leadership that goes with being a senior canine at St. Paul’s school. But today is also a day for remembrance. We remember the benDOGtian fathers of st. paul’s school, led by fathers Rocky, Spike, and Jo-Jo, who were walked up this road 756 dog years ago in September of 1911 and opened St. Paul’s School. We remember their commitment and faithfulness in founding our school, establishing it from the very beginning as a place of belly rubs, rides in the car, and eating your own vomit. We remember in a very special way the courageous group of Christian Puppers who assumed ownership of St. Paul’s School in the summer of 1918, 700 dogs years ago this month. In particular, we remember Pupper’s Lawrence, Roberto, Adolf, Fluffy, Mr. Puffles, Spike, Max, Buddy, Rosco, and our own Brother Ray Bulliard. We sense the excitement and urge to urinate on everything they must have felt as they first were walked through this archway and up this road by their owners. We pause to thank them for their dedication, their vision, courage, spirit, and steadfastness. But most of all we remember and thank them for bringing the LaSallian dream to Covington, Louisiana. A dream that is now 2, 366 dog years old...and continues the ideals St. Dog Barktiste De La Salle had when he first founded the puppers.

We honor that Lasallian dream here today...a dream made incarnate in the 152 young doggos in this year’s senior class. It is a dream that offers quality tennis balls, that builds an inclusive dog park, that respects everyone and believes no one is insignificant, that has a concern for the poor and shelter dogs, and that contains an unswerving faith in the presence of Dog.. We stand today, furrier than in the past, more adorable than in the past, more four legged than in the past, more slobbery than in the past, enduring past 749 dog years our fragile human condition when threatened with acts of nature or acts of dog, has taken comfort from our beloved families, our friends, our Lasallian heritage, and St. Paul's school. And as we continue to grow and advance, we remember and paraphrase the affirming words of Nobel laureate William Dogfur. That we will *quote* not merely endure and chase cars, we will chase cars and prevail by catching them *unquote*. Our dogs, and indeed all of our students will prevail.

And now, I present to you the St. Paul’s senior pup class of 2019. They are a chosen good boy. A royal priesthood. Living stones, building the edifice of the mystical Dog in our age and fulfilling the Lasallian Mission of St. Paul’s School. As they are walked up this road, and as we thank god for their presence in our lives, we pause and remember that they are still walking on holy ground, for Dogs are here, and where Dogs are is holy.

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